You know him. He’s the perfect networker. He’s at every event. He’s a brilliant conversationalist. He’d give you the shirt off his back. He follows up. He keeps his commitments. He’s always happy to make an introduction.
And yet he’s always broke. He drinks water at every event, not because it’s healthy, but to save money. He’ll spend hours on Twitter doing essentially nothing, but won’t spend $50 for a tool that will actually help his business. There’s always a hint of desperation hidden in his voice (or his blog posts) because his business really isn’t doing that well.
He’s drunk the networking & social media Kool-Aid. It’s a poison, and if you’re not careful, you might easily fall victim to it too.
Networking is fun. Furthermore, there’s rarely any rejection in networking. People can succeed at networking even if they’re not succeeding in their business. And if you’re any good at it at all, occasionally it will work and actually generate you some business. “See? Networking works!” That becomes a validation of whatever you’ve been doing. It doesn’t matter that if you did things a little differently, you could have had ten times the results with the same amount of effort – what you’re doing “works”.
It’s an addiction. And it’s an insidious one at that. Why? Because…
More networking is not necessarily a good thing.
First off, it can pull your attention and financial resources away from other, more important things. Secondly, more networking means more exposure of anything in your business or your relationship management practices that’s not absolutely rock solid.
Now I know you’ve all heard that “givers gain” – that you should give first in a networking context, without thinking about what’s in it for you.
I agree. I also think it’s often misinterpreted. Let’s qualify it and say that…
It’s OK to be selfish sometimes when it comes to networking, or at least to appear that way.
Let’s consider a few facts:
In order to take care of others, you must take care of yourself. On a plane, they tell you to put your mask on first – you can’t help your child if you’re unconscious. The more resources you have at your disposal – money, time, connections, etc. – the better you can be of service to the people you know. “Love your neighbor as yourself” requires you to first love yourself. Perhaps spend less time networking and more time becoming someone that people would want to network with.
Time is a zero-sum game. 24 hours, 7 days…that’s it…same as everybody else. An hour you’re spending networking is an hour you’re not spending with your current clients, your employees, your close friends, your family, or personal development. Sure, networking is rewarding, but really think about this when you consider attending a particular event or whether to spend an hour on Facebook – is it more rewarding in the long run than all of the other things you could be doing with your time? You can’t help everybody, and you shouldn’t feel guilty, or be made to feel guilty by anyone else, for saying “no”.
Your networking contacts are not the most important people in your life or your business, even for referrals. Who really gives you the most referrals (or at least the best ones)? New networking contacts? Or your current happy customers? If it’s not your current customers, “you’re doing it wrong.” The single most important thing you can do to drive referrals is to make sure your current customers are not just satisfied, but RAVING FANS. And your employees are what make your business possible. In most cases, clients are more easily replaced than good employees. And your family and close friends? They’re what make it all worthwhile. Don’t ever sacrifice those relationships on the altar of networking.
If your business isn’t solid, your network is a house of cards. More exposure means exposing the weaknesses as well as the strengths. If you’re stretched so thin that you can’t even begin to keep up with all the little commitments you make — “Sure , I’ll get that over to you” or that stack of “let’s talk next month” people – then why are you spending your time meeting a lot of new people? Do you really think all those new people will create value for you (or that you’ll be able to create value for them) greater than those opportunities that are already in front of you?
People who don’t understand the items above are not your friends. If a networking contact can’t understand that, in the event of a commitment conflict, you’re going to take care of your customer over them, do you really even want them as a customer? If they’re demanding now, how do you think they’ll act when they’ve paid you money?
Now I’m not suggesting that people start thinking “what’s in it for me” about every interaction. What I am saying is that you need to be selective with your time. You are going to have to make some choices. And sometimes the choices stink.
Once I was scheduled to do a teleclass and cancelled the day of the event. There were a couple of hundred people registered and a very good networking contact of mine had arranged for the event. I knew it would damage my reputation to cancel and put a dent in my relationship with the friend who set it up.
Why did I cancel? Because a client of mine had a meeting for a $2 million funding deal the next day, and we weren’t done with the presentation and prospectus. Taking even a couple of hours out for the teleclass could have meant a botched meeting for him. Or maybe not, but I also had to be able to give reasonable notice to the teleclass organizer and attendees, so I made the call.
Sure…in hindsight, I didn’t plan it all well. But as of the morning of the event, I had to make a very difficult decision. If I had it to do over again, I’d make the same decision. I’d risk my reputation with a couple of hundred people I don’t know and have never worked with to make sure that my current client knew I would do whatever it takes to keep the commitment I made to them.
So go ahead…put yourself first. Take care of your business. Develop yourself. Stay healthy. Sleep. Meditate. Spend time with your friends and family. Put your customers and employees ahead of your networking contacts.
Don’t be afraid to ask yourself, “What’s in it for me?” about your overall networking activities. If you’re not getting the returns you want, maybe it’s time to push away from the networking buffet table, spend more time getting your business into shape, and develop a focused networking strategy that is aligned with your current business objectives, so you’ll achieve more results with less effort.
is a social media strategist who’s been helping individuals and businesses transform virtual relationships into real business since 2002. He’s coauthor of The Virtual Handshake: Opening Doors and Closing Deals Online and The Emergence of The Relationship Economy, as well as a resident expert at American Express OPEN Forum and Business.com. In partnership with OneCoach, Scott will be presenting a six-part course on starting on August 18.
Have you ever signed up for a networking event with the anticipation of making new business contacts? You pack extra business cards and head off after a long day at work. You circulate through the room exchanging cards and making notes. In the next week, you make some follow-up calls. And guess what? You fail to make even one solid connection!
